Chapter 6: You stink and you don’t notice

– You stink and you don’t notice, – I hear Coco smiling through the phone.

– What do you mean?

– For starters – quit smoking.

I do not understand what she means. Nevertheless, I want to be Coco, so I listen.

– You will never lose weight if you keep smoking. Smoking enslaves you, hardens your shell, and makes you blind to the beauty of the world.

– What do you mean hardens my shell? I am not a shellfish you know. Do you know how much stress I have?

– You are stressed because you are smoking.

– How is that?

– Well, your mind creates stressful situations and perceives world as stressful to prompt you taking a cigarette, or two, or a pack. You just woke up right?

– Yes.

– Have you smoked already?

– No.

– How do you feel?

– Great. Weather is good and I am off to work.

– Well, do something for me. Sit down on your balcony and take a deep breath. Do you feel fresh air filling up your lungs?

– Yes, I do.

– Ok. Now close your eyes and feel your heart and solar plexus. How are they today?

– They are fine, Coco. What is it all about?

– Cool. How about your head, your eyes? How do they feel?

– Great. They feel great.

– Do you feel tired in any way?

– I just woke up, Coco, I am not tired. – I laugh.

– Fine. Have a smoke. Better two. Then call me back. Bye.

“Coco is weird.” – Runs through my head while I light up a cigarette. “Good start of the morning. You stink and you don’t notice. What is she thinking? What does she mean? I will never lose weight while smoking? Everybody smokes, well not everybody but lots of folks. I will gain at least 12 pounds if I stop, that’s for sure! I need to have some freedom of choice, right? It is already enough that I am working so hard! I will never lose weight. I am fat. Oh, what a drag. What a drag! What is she thinking calling me so early to f@ck up my morning!”

I am not the brightest but suddenly I know it. With each and every drag I get grumpier, the lightness is gone. I am in my stand-by mode – stressed, with a nagging feeling in my heart. I want back to bed, to take some quality time in pitying myself – hard working overweight woman who will never … Oh Dear God! Get up! Coco is right! You want to be her – quit smoking!