There are five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I am in the stage two. VERY ANGRY. So angry, that I decided to skip bargaining.
I won’t bargain. You tried to kill me? I will make you evaporate. I will go on for as long as it takes to get you out of my system.
It is difficult. I wake up with a bouncing headache, that follows me along for the whole day. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t stay awake during the day, cry uncontrollably about everything.
It feels like a monstrosity larger than a three stories building attached herself to me, feeding off my juice. Once in a while it takes a break and I get out of prostration, able to work, able to write.
This monstrosity is so real that I literally feel when it stops feeding. I feel her heavy body rolling back, like a fat nasty tick full of my blood, a tick the size of a house. This is the hardest battle I fought so far.
I’ve lost so many times. I am not going to ruin this one. I am so tired of you, you filthy parasite, that I have no strength left to keep you as my pet. I have no choice but to let you go. I do not care how much it hurts. You will dry out trying to keep me a slave.
On May 14, I and my friend D decided to go on a spring detox. A simple procedure of a sugar-free diet.
This is my attempt #100 to quit sugar. During the first 2 weeks, I slipped twice. No. Three times. Today is day 5 of being sugar-free.
It hurts. I cry. I am very angry. No cravings for sugar. Merely pain-induced rage against it.
For the first time in months do I hear the gentle voice of Coco : “Once get rid of her, you get rid of everything that keeps you slave, my love.”
For ages, I am fighting the windmills of my own limiting beliefs to follow the path of my heart. The ‘reality’ keeps getting in the way. I don’t give up, because in the depth of my soul I know that Victory is Inevitable!
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