If you ever felt like a failure, if u feel like a failure right now – this chapter is for you.
Today u will finally feel that all failures are an illusion, all but one.
No matter what your mind is telling you, there is no such thing as your greatest failure.
Failure as a concept is a heavy illusion. But that’s besides the point for our topic today.
If we dismiss the fact that failure is an illusion, very soon we understand that our mind does not discriminate our failures in terms of gravity.
Each and every failure is perceived by you as equally grave at the moment it happens.
A great failure does not exist in the past, because everything what happens after the failure, turns this failure into a blessing in disguise, shows you that failure was a great stepping stone to a new important learning, new important opportunity.
There was a point in my life where I believed that I failed as entrepreneur.
I was running a factory, manufacturing a wide range of luxury designer garments for the new fashion designers.
The original idea was to help designers start their brands from zero with minimum inventory and high quality product.
I’ve been looking forward to see those brands grow. And 4% of them did.
Little did I know what the year 4 means for a startup.
In the year 4 my clients started to go bankrupt one after another.
Lack of gratification, burn out, debt were taking toll on my clients.
“Julia, I am in the year 4 and nowhere near of being famous!” – my clients were telling me.
I didn’t know back then that being famous as a goal is an invitation for disaster.
The last drop that spilled the pain was a client so desperate in debt that she lost her mind and did not pay me a large sum of money for the products that have been shipped already.
Here I was: 33 employees screaming to be paid, suppliers jumping on my head, landlord shaming me in dirtiest words ever, and a tiny cash flow from few clients that were doing well.
This was a dark time.
I was so tired and broken, that the life itself did not make any sense any more.
My business partner abandoned me, telling me to clean up myself. “Just file for a bankruptcy. You’ll be fine.”
I could not get hold of him. He was living in another country, and I barely had money to buy food, let alone to buy a ticket and chace him.
Even such a common thing as filing a bankruptcy was impossible.
In China filing a bankruptcy by a foreign citizen means not being able to leave the country for the next 2 years. 2 years of hell! No, thank you!
I felt like a total failure. I couldn’t think. My brain was foggy. I was afraid. No, terrified, each and every second.
Now several years later I know that the bankruptcy of my first company was the stepping stone to organising a healthy business.
I’ve learned what type of fashion labels are set up for success, focussed on running manufacturing for such labels and on the top of that started my own fashion label.
In a retrospective my failure was a great success. I’ve learned and reorganized.
Don’t get me wrong. It cost me tremendous amount of money and wellbeing.
At some point, middle in this dark chaos I was contemplating suicide.
Nevertheless if u ask me right now what is my greatest failure – there is none.
All failures feel great and none of them is really a failure.
However right now while telling u this story I realize that middle in this dark chaos I was on a verge of committing the one single failure that really exists: to take my own life.
I thank the spirit that helped me see the light and stay here with you.
Baby J, (The Perfect Queen)